


Whose Ship Is It Anyway?

by LilyAnson



Series: Writer's Block [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Once Upon a Time (TV), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Supernatural
Genre: Confusion, General Annoyance, Multi, One Shot, Otps, Self-aware characters, What It's Like To Write When Characters Do Not Cooperate, horrible attempts at humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 00:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11429031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: Inspired by the Facebook meme "You get confronted by a character in your favorite show who wonders why they're not part of your OTP.  How do you let them down gently?"  This story doesn't actually follow that plot.  It's more like 'what happens when characters who aren't any of your main ships confront you and annoy you until you want to beat your head into the keyboard.'  Contains characters from multiple shows.





	Whose Ship Is It Anyway?

“Hey! You!”

The writer stared at the words appearing on the screen not quite knowing what to think.

“Oi! You there typing these stories.”

“Um, yes?” the author replied.

“Why is it you always write stories about Sam and I but we’re still not your OTP?”

“Crowley?”

“Who the bloody hell did you think it would be?”

“I told you not to say anything, Crowley. Now she might not write about us at all. Is that really what you want?”

“Bugger off Moose, I’m trying to have an important conversation here.”

“Pretty sure you two are just jealous she likes me and Castiel better.”

“Um, aren’t you’re supposed to be dead Meg?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead? I mean didn’t you, like, die in season two? Besides, technically I’ve been dead a long time. I don’t see what that matters. Hell technically Crowley’s dead too!”

“I managed to outlive you didn’t I?”

“Okay, you know what? Author here and you guys are going to have to start using your names on here or I’m not going to know which of you is saying what.”

“Fine, whatever. Just as long as you upgrade me to part of your OTP,” CROWLEY said.

“Oh yeah, real mature Crowley. It’s just like you to put your name in all capitals,” Meg replied slyly.

CROWLEY rolls his eyes at meg’s remark.

“Like I said, real mature,” Meg huffed. “At least I know how to capitalize names.”

“Both of you stop it. None of this is getting us anywhere,” Sam chastised the others.

CROWLEY continues rolling his eyes.

“I swear, if both of you don’t stop bickering with each other-”

“All of you be quiet. I want to know why _I’m_ not part of her OTP.”

“Wait a minute,” Sam interjected. “Are you a Crowley clone?”

“Who the hell is Crowley?”

“I am,” Crowley answered suspiciously eying at the newcomer. “Who the bloody hell are you?”

“Canton Everett Delaware the third. What kind of a name is Crowley and why exactly do you look like me?”

“Um, guys?”

“Are you a demon too?” Meg asked.

“Excuse you? Hey! Stop poking at me!”

“So, you’re not related to Crowley at all?”

“Please, Moose. Even if he’s related to this meat suit that wouldn’t make us related. Demon, remember?”

“Hey! Author here! Remember, we’re supposed to be using names here otherwise I’m not going to be able to make sense of any of this!”

Sam: “She’s right, you know. If we don’t start using our names then how can we expect her to able to hold a meaningful conversation with us.”

CROWLEY: “Please, the only meaningful conversation she needs to have is why I’m not part of her OTP.”

CED3: “Yeah, I’m not typing my whole name out. Now I don’t know who all of you are but I also don’t care. What I do care about is why I’m not part of her OTP.”

Meg the Angel’s Unicorn: “Maybe because you and your twin Crowley over there aren’t half as pretty as I am.” *smirk*

“Okay guys. Can we just stick to first names here.”

CED3: “No. Still not typing out my whole first name.”

“Fine Canton, you can abbreviate. The rest of you-”

“Oh I see how it is. You’re holding a convention to discuss OTP’s and obviously I’m not important enough to get an invitation.”

“Oh great another one. Look, I’m the author here and I think that entitles me to make a few small rules. Rule number one is no typing on my screen without identifying yourself.”

“Fine. Captain Hook, world’s greatest pirate here. Why aren’t Emma and I you’re OTP?”

Meg: *rolls eyes* “Just put your name first and get on with it.”

Sam: “Wait a minute. Hook like _the_ Captain Hook?”

The Captain Hook: “Exactly like _the_ Captain Hook."

CROWLEY: “All of you shut your mouths. Look, author person whoever you are, all I’m saying is-”

Meg: “No one cares about what you’re saying Crowley.”

CED3: “For the love of everything holy will you all be quiet!”

Meg: *cocks and eyebrow* “Holy?”

THE AUTHOR: “All of you need to settle down.”

CROWLEY: “Did you just steal my caps?”

THE AUTHOR: “I can’t steal anything. I’m the author and this is my word program you ‘people’ are hijacking.”

Dr. Bashir: “Quite right. However I feel we might actually be justified in our actions. I mean, I’m sure you’re a lovely person.” *Gives a nod to Meg* “But I hope you’ll excuse me if I still ask why Jadzia and I are not her main OTP.”

THE AUTHOR: *BEATS HEAD ON KEYBOARD*

CED3: “You know, the only thing that’s going to accomplish is-”

THE AUTHOR: “Don’t even.”

Dr. Bashir: “I could take a look at your head if you would like.”

The Captain Hook: “She might need you to look at her head mate. If Captain Swan isn’t her OTP then something’s obviously wrong.”

Meg: “I think you’re all just jealous.”

Sam: “Really not helping things Meg.”

Meg: *shrug* “Demon, remember?”

“Excuse you? Demon?”

CROWLEY: “Oi! Name, remember?”

CED3: “Fine. Better?”

CROWLEY: “Not really that much better seeing as you’re still here.”

Sam: “Enough Crowley.”

CROWLEY: “Hey, stop that! Just what do you think you’re doing?”

Dr. Bashir: “I’ve never met an actual demon. I just wanted to know more about your kind.”

CROWLEY: “I’m not really a touchy-feely person. Keep your hands to yourself.”

The Captain Hook: “Right. If you’re all about finished how about we get back to why I’m not part of her OTP.”

Sam: “What show are you even from?”

The Captain Hook: “That doesn’t really matter now does it mate?”

Meg: “He’s from Once Upon A Time.”

Sam: “I have to admit that’s one I haven’t heard of.”

Meg: “Why am I not surprised?”

CED3: “Focus people.”

THE AUTHOR: “Alright everyone stop. First of all, Canton? I don’t even know who your boyfriend is. We never get introduced to him. There’s no way I could write about him without knowing anything.”

CROWLEY: “Boyfriend huh?”

THE AUTHOR: “Not now Crowley. Okay, since you spoke up let’s get to you next. You have no reason to complain considering you’re the main character in more than eighty percent of my stories. You don’t have anything to complain about. The same goes for Sam. Besides I have a “favorite” Sam relationship.”

CROWLEY: “Quantity isn’t the same as quality.” Sam: “You have a favorite person to ship with me?”

CROWLEY: “Damn it Sam I was already talking before you. You couldn’t wait?”

Sam: Pardon me for wanting to know who she thinks I’d be good with Crowley.”

CROWLEY: “I was talking, er typing, before you.”

The Captain Hook: *laughs at the two bickering*

CROWLEY: *glares at the so called pirate* “Just what’s your problem Captain One Hand?”

The Captain Hook: “You two are arguing like a married couple. Maybe she has a lot of stories about you two being together because she’s seeing something the pair of you aren’t.”

Meg: *bursts into laughter* 

Dr. Bashir: “Pardon me. As amusing as this conversation is I was wondering if we might get back to the topic at hand.”

THE AUTHOR: “Yes! Back to the real discussion. Okay guys listen up.”

Meg: “And girl!”

THE AUTHOR: *sighs* “Fine, and girl. Bashir-”

Dr. Bashir: *ahem* “Doctor, if you please.”

THE AUTHOR: * aeiht;dj ghddahupin*

CED3: “Pardon me ‘doctor’, but would you mind not annoying the author to the point where she feels the need to slam her head into the keyboard?”

THE FREAKING AUTHOR WHO IS NOW INSTALLING A NEW RULE: “Okay no more talking until I say so.”

CROWLEY: *Opens mouth to speak*

THE AUTHOR: *GLARES AT CROWLEY* “Okay, who have we been through? And no that’s not a real question it was rhetorical. Okay, we’ve done Canton, Meg, Crowley, and we’ve sort of done Sam. Sam, if you want to know who I’d most like to see you with it’s Sarah. Yes, the art woman. Alright then. _Doctor_ Bashir. As far as DS9 goes you and Jadzia _are_ my OTP for that show. No, you’re not my top OTP of all shows ever but sometimes you have to take what you can get. Got it. Good. 

STILL THE AUTHOR: “So here’s what we’re going to do. You guys are going to go back to your respective shows… or stories… or… Oh hell, just go back to wherever you came from and let me write when I get inspired. Also, while I have you all here, STOP ABDUCTING MY STORIES AND CHANGING MY STORYLINES! Fanfiction is supposed to be about the author creating the story, not the story being hijacked by the characters. Now if you’ll all excuse me I’m going to take some aspirin and try not to beat my head into the computer yet again.

THE AUTHOR: *CLOSES THE WORD DOCUMENT PAGE AND STARES AT HER KEYBOARD TRYING HARD NOT TO BANG HER HEAD DOWN ONTO IT.*


End file.
